Another moronic Army rule made by those with too much time on their hands

Several months ago I wrote about a new policy at our pool which prohibits guys from wearing spandex shorts, aka "jammers." I found out this week that rule has been changed, thanks in part to my complaints, and we can now wear said jammers -- but only in the mornings when practically no one is around to get offended. The rule's proponent apparently argued (to my roommate who is a lawyer, no less) that "no one here is a competitive swimmer anyway," then grudgingly approved the change.

As if that weren't asinine enough, the same person who made that rule also is now attempting to enforce another one prohibiting headphones in the pool. This person is a Lieutenant Colonel -- and in this case, a stereotypical example of Military Intelligence in action. I am not making this up.

I got a copy of the policy, and contacted the Lt. Col. who signed the memorandum. Here's pretty much how the email thread ran:

ME: Sir, the lifeguards told me yesterday that they are being told to enforce some new rule that prohibits using headphones/mp3 players in the pool. Do you know anything about that? Is it some sort of a joke? I have a hard time believing anyone would have the time to seriously consider attempting to enforce something so silly, much less actually formalize it. (I actually sent this.)

LTC: No, Major, this is not a joke. And I don't appreciate your snarky tone.

ME: Well sir with all due respect, this new rule seems arbitrary at best. I've easily logged 150 miles in this pool over the last two years (including 6 last week) -- while wearing my headphones -- in just about every weather condition imaginable here. No issues whatsoever, and I'm even adult enough to stop for Reveille in the mornings all on my own. I maintain that there is not one documented case ever, anywhere, of anyone getting hurt because they were listening to music while swimming. In fact, I can attest from first-hand experience that it is inherently more dangerous running on a treadmill with headphones (which is allowed) than swimming with them.

Furthermore, wearing wax earplugs is allowed if I want to keep water out of my ears for health reasons, even though that completely blocks out all noise whatsoever. Suppose I'm in the middle of swimming laps and the lifeguard needs to get my attention for something [like maybe some attractive member of the opposite sex has a sunscreen application emergency, or Taco Bell has two-for-one burritos]. Even without my headphones, I can't hear the lifeguards when I'm in the water anyway so the lifeguards have to wait until I get to the edge of the pool to tell me whatever it is they need to tell me. That makes sense. Quite frankly, sir, this rule does not -- and in my opinion is just an obvious waste of time.

LTC: Too bad, Major, suck it up and drive on.

ME: Thank you, sir, for reaffirming my appreciation to the Army for not making me an Intelligence officer.

(While much of that exchange hasn't happened yet, that's pretty much how it probably will go. I did actually forward copy of the policy to a friend in the Inspector General's office who thinks the same way. In reality, though, the lifeguard told me he wouldn't stop me from using mine.)