Slicker than snot on a doorknob

As a born skeptic, one of my favorite topics is to pick on self-aggrandizing televangelists who prefer to spread their theology of blame-the-victims instead of, or as a price for, helping those who are sometimes unfortunately subject to the wiles and whims of Mother Nature.  Lately, those voices have been eerily (thankfully) silent on the subject of the big, giant, man-made oil slick that looms sinisterly in the Gulf -- save a few who have heralded it as a sign of the Apocalypse (you can't make that kind of stuff up).

Then comes a group of well-meaning Christians who, several weeks ago, felt it necessary to form a human "prayer chain" across the beaches of Mississippi -- apparently in the sincere hope that the Almighty would see there are enough of them fervently praying and would stop the oil from sullying their otherwise pristine state.  Alas, it appears their prayers weren't fervent enough as today comes the disheartening news that the oil slick did indeed start washing ashore on several Mississippi beaches.

Now, the God of the Old Testament was one miracle-flinging dude, especially when the Israelites in particular prayed hard enough.  This usually had something to do with slaying Philistines, although -- amidst the tattoo bans, bears attacking kids for taunting priests, and other assorted R-rated tales of ribaldry -- there are plenty of stories of earthquakes, astronomical phenomena and weather-related miracles being attributed to the Big Man.  Apparently some modern-day believers think that is the way He still does business, despite a distinct lack of New Testament evidence.  I don't necessarily take any view on that particular theological topic, although I'm really more of a Deist.

But CBN (my favorite televangelist's enterprise) felt it necessary to report on the prayer chain -- while they are as yet silent on the ultimate (if not predictable) result:  it was an epic failure.  Why?  Did not enough people pray, or did they not pray long enough?  Maybe they could have better spent their time in action, pitching in to help relief efforts or mobilizing boats to skim the oil before it came to them.  Maybe they should have prayed for a plan a la Y2K.

I know the evangelical's answers, as I grew up believing them most of my life:  it's all part of God's plan; we can't fathom what his purposes are; blah, blah, blah -- from the same people who swore they knew the answers before the oil hit the beaches.  Who proclaimed that God would save them because they gave their money to the church.  Who certainly preached that just like Joshua marched his troops around the walls of Jericho day in and day out without any apparent purpose, the treacherous walls of oil would fall before his people and they would not be harmed.  Nothing to see here, move along.

I gave up pretending to know those answers long ago -- but I do know they wasted their time.