All hail the Signal Corps!

An email went out this week from our higher headquarters with two rather odd attachments: an .mp3 file and lyrics to the US Army Signal Corps Regimental song. The email came from a high-ranking Sergeant Major, who passed on word from other even higher-ranking Sergeants Major that every Soldier in the Signal Corps must know the lyrics and tune for official ceremonies and the like -- and even exorted leaders to ensure that we are all practiced. I just learned that our subordinate company formations -- in a "combat zone," mind you -- will now practice two days a week.

{insert facepalm here}

Every Soldier knows the Army Song, and we sing it at official ceremonies. I confess that after my first 11 years as a Signal officer, I never knew there were lyrics until last year, when I arrived at this unit and overheard two younger troops singing it loudly to their First Sergeant. Whenever I hear it, I make up words in my head to the very Sousa-esque tune: "We are the Signal Corps, if you don't like it, you can kiss our ass," over and over again. Keeps me awake at ceremonies, anyway.

No other Army branch would dare to be so gay as to even have a song -- other than the Field Artillery, but theirs is just the Army song with lyrics about cannons and howitzers, as if there were a difference -- much less make everyone sing it. Not only that, but our leaders apparently expect us to know it sober! Manly branches like Armor or Infantry don't do such things, unless of course there are copious amounts of adult beverages being consumed first. Our song is kinda catchy, but it's no Ballad of the Green Beret. And I can't freakin' get it out of my head now.

If the Military Intelligence Corps had a song, it would of course be Secret Agent Man, which, many years ago during my training to be a Counterintelligence Special Agent (no kidding), I once attempted to sing at a karaoke bar with a bunch of my classmates. Everyone was drunk so it didn't matter that we didn't know the lyrics, which is pretty much the point of karaoke anyway. Good times.

Which brings me to another, somewhat salient point. Most people who know me ask why I didn't become an MI officer. I told them that the one thing I learned at OCS was that everyone wants to be either Infantry or MI, because they think they're the sexiest branches of the Army -- they think that Infantry is all about killing bad guys, which it pretty much is, and that MI is all cloak-and-dagger, which it most certainly is not. Well that, and I also learned how to sleep standing up. We also used to sing the OCS song every night before bedtime, but I would be hard pressed to sing even the first line of Benning School for Boys (its original title) nowadays. OK, maybe the second line escapes me.

I told the Sergeant Major in our higher HQ that I would gladly express my displeasure to the Chief of Signal the next time he is in town -- but only after I hear him sing it.