The Case of the Missing Really Big Truck

Several weeks ago, my boss handed me an assignment to investigate a missing HEMTT -- a very large vehicle that a Captain in our unit was responsible for. It seems that the poor company commander had a habit of losing accountability of equipment in his unit, and this particular item was one that had been discovered missing here while the Captain and his unit were deployed to Iraq.

So for days I tromped around all of my post's motor pools, checking serial numbers on EVERY flippin' HEMTT I could find. I even asked a few of the fine, properly compensated civilians at the Directorate of Logistics (DOL) -- knowing that several of this Captain's vehicles had passed through their hands to other stateside military installations -- but they all told me they had no record of it. Alas, two weeks of searching produced nothing so I wrapped up my investigation and recommended charging said Captain with about $5,500 for simple negligence -- the maximum I could even though the price tag of the lost truck was over $160,000.

But no one just loses such a big truck. Short of dredging all the nearby lakes, I figured someone simply shipped the thing off to Afghanistan and lost the shipping documents (which, I learned, are not automated here).

As it happened, the day the Captain sent his rebuttal to my recommendation -- basically whining that he was too busy around the time the truck was lost -- someone from DOL called up to inform us that the vehicle was indeed in their lot as it had been since October 2006, after having new bumper numbers painted on it. I set out to inspect, and there it was in a back corner of the motor pool, just as spiffy as if it had come off the showroom floor despite three years of supposedly sitting in the elements. DOL's sheepish excuse was that they were so busy they just forgot about it all this time. Although I smelled a rat, our commander was ecstatic that the truck was actually located and ordered the investigation closed.

So today I sent a simple email to the Captain with pictures of the truck and a short note: Happy Thanksgiving, you now owe me beer.

This week's PX complaint

After my morning "Majoring around" haircut today (since our network folks figured out how to block Mafia Wars at work), I figured I'd to surprise my wife by bringing home lunch. I made the egregious mistake of going to Robin Hood, the only halfway healthy eatery in our Post Exchange's food court. The lunchtime crowd was already forming by 1125.

Perusing my options on the sign near the drink counter, I decided on a new toasted grilled chicken with marinara and mushrooms. Upon placing my order, the less-than-helpful lady behind the counter had to ask her manager if they sold that, since it wasn't on the menu behind the counter. When I asked her if she *actually* worked there, she told me she never reads the signs outside of her little kiosk.

Normally this sort of thing would get my blood boiling -- espcially since she's slower than molasses running uphill in January -- but six months of Zoloft has calmed me quite a bit. So she made up my footlong on Italian herb & cheese bread, and rang it up to go. I dutifully spun around to the drink counter only to discover that there were no large lids fitting Robin Hood cups. Going back to the kiosk, I encountered ever-so-competent Robin Hood Lady No. 2:

Me: Excuse me, do you happen to have any lids to fit these cups?

RH2: They were out yesterday, they must not have got any in today.

Me: Well, do you have any behind the counter?

RH2: They were out yesterday, they must not have got any in today.

Me (thinking she must not have heard my last question): Okay, but do you have any behind the counter?

RH2: No.

Me: Well, I ordered a large drink to go, so I would appreciate at least a different cup with a lid so I don't spill my drink in may car.

(At this point, the pizza lady in the next kiosk hands me a smaller cup, which I reject.)

Me: Could you at least get me a large cup from Burger King next door?

(Even though this would have taken all of 10 seconds, RH2 ignores me -- which pushes me over the edge.)

Me (in front of everybody): COULD I SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER PLEASE?

(Manager lady hears my complaint, then goes to Burger King and retrieves...a large lid.)

Me: This lid is obviously too large, could you PLEASE get me a cup that fits it?

Manager: Well sir, their cups are larger and cost more.

Me: I DON'T CARE - I PAID FOR A LARGE DRINK TO GO AND YOU PEOPLE KNEW YOU WERE OUT OF LIDS.

(Manager lady leaves and comes back with a large BK cup.)

Me: Thanks, but I shouldn't have had to wait five minutes for you guys to figure this out.

Manager: I'm sorry for your inconvenience.

(I pour my drink into the new cup, defiantly leaving the used one on the counter.)


These are the most of my worries lately. Life is good.